Recently, I feel like my life has been thrown off course.

Partly because work is hectic to the point that I can no longer update this page daily during work, which explains the absence of daily posts unlike months before. And of course due to a turn of events in my personal life that is really making me think twice about everything I do.

Back then, I was forced to change my… route mid way. I thought I found a beautiful, greenery filled path in life. But mid way, I was forced to take a different path by myself.

So for the past 6 mths, I have been faithfully finding my way, learning how to use the compass, struggling to find my way sometimes when it gets really dark and I thought I can’t go on anymore. And somehow, I survived and managed, and was happily on route on my new found path. I gradually grew accustomed to this new path, and I actually liked it better though the new path is quieter, lonelier and not as comfortable and beautiful as the old.

Then somehow, I am being pulled to a cross road, giving me a chance to return back to my old beautiful path.

Do I take it, or do I not?

After I left, I have seen how unpredictable the old path is. And how it has, a few times, even before this latest change of course, threatened my safety in many ways. But still, it is after all a path I am used to, and also a path where my friends and family members are on. So now, what? Do I stay with this new and unknown path that I like better, where I feel stronger, or go back to the seemingly safe and comfortable path I previously was forced out from?

The scarier thing is…

What if it is all the same path after all?

Some days, I really wish that I can sleep and never wake up. It is not the same as dying but…

I really don’t want to wake up.



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