First of all, I’ve been missing for a while. Blame work. And blame G; I run out of things to write here when I already have another outlet to vent verbally, lol.
So, first of all, this week is finally the week I’m heading over to Tokyo!
And so, let me squeeze in time to write something this week, in case the rest of the week just fly by and I neglect this space a bit too much than I should.
So, about SENSITIVE people. In particular, sensitive guys.
Somehow, when we say a person is sensitive, it tends to carry a negative connotation to it. This is linked to how human beings generally relate traits to the extreme. When we say somebody is… stubborn, we assume the worst of it; think obstinate, think illogical insistence on decision, think anger. When we say somebody is emotional, we also assume tears and temper — think suicide, think depression, think illogical decisions.
No surprise that when we say a guy is sensitive, many of us link it to:
- thoughtful and caring but…
- create a scene when breaking up, possibly committing suicide and crying
But okay, I might have been a llllittleeee bit extreme there. Anyway.
We are just wired to look at the bad and the extreme.
But from my personal experience, I find that there are actually people out there that are sensitive to a healthy level. By that, I mean sensitive and not hypersensitive. They do not read too much into details, but take note of sufficient details such that they are thoughtful and not paranoid. They are aware of the emotion fluctuation of the people around them and act in accordance to it, addressing and acknowledging the change in mood, and not react negatively because they are emotional.
And I think, as a woman, I actually appreciate sensitive men. Or more rightly put, secured and sensitive men.
Sensitive males are quick to notice that I am upset, however slight the change of mood is. Because a slight change of mood that goes unnoticed can lead to huge misunderstanding later in the day, when every small action or words can trigger another plunge in mood in a woman. A sensitive man would notice and ask what is wrong, validate and affirm his partner’s change in mood and address it before it gets worse.
Now, how does the secured part comes in?
Because a sensitive but insecure partner will begin to feel that he might have been the cause for the unhappiness and start to feel worried about that. When the female is unable to verbalise the cause (fact is, this is always the case with women), he starts to feel inadequate in being a partner because he can’t solve the problem or suspect he is the cause of the problem and that is when a quarrel ensue. I mean, seriously, how can you expect an upset woman to come and coddle an insecure man so he feels fine?
So the other day, I was sharing with G how to create a whatsapp shortcut to pin a chat with somebody, so that he can easily access it, instead of going into WhatsApp to access the chat. He showed me the screenshot of the shortcut he successfully made and the icon was located on the last (I think?) page on his phone (which is what happens when a new app is downloaded — they generally get slotted in at the last page). I was just wondering… if it is meant be a chat with a special person that you want to pin, wouldn’t you pin it on the first page among the most commonly accessed apps? And then if I’m the special someone, I’d feel special that way too, not cluttered with other less important apps at the back. Of course, I didn’t say anything because everyone has their own right to control how the icons are arranged on their phones. The surprising thing though, was how G said it without any ‘hint’ or prompt, that he will shift the shortcut up to the main page.
Now, just imagine the same situation. A guy does that for a girl. Every girl, I guarantee, every girl, will notice that the icon is not on the top page. But most guys will just be keen to show what he did for the girl, and though most of them will shift the icon up, not all guys will be sensitive enough to realise that the girl seem to be less than 100% thrilled at the gesture and convey his thought of shifting the icon up to the girl. Not all guys are sensitive enough to note the emotional needs of a girl in this way.
In addition, a sensitive man should not be assumed to be a detailed person. As much as he can be sensitive to the people and things around him, it does not mean that he is necessarily detailed and notices small little things. A detailed and sensitive person will remember that e.g. a girl hates raisins and he picks out the raisins in a bowl of salad before the girl eats it, but a sensitive but not-so-detailed guy will not even notice the raisins in the salad. A sensitive men will notice that the girl is a bit down, but a detailed nature will help him to better identify the root cause for her change in emotion.
I’m not sure if I’m going around in circles writing this, but all I want to say is that men who are sensitive should not be seen as more feminine or regard their sensitivity as a negative trait in any way. I think it is awesome if the guy is sensitive. Yet at the same time, being sensitive alone is not ‘useful’ or ‘sufficient’ if the guy does not possess equivalent maturity, security and the detailed mind to complement his sensitivity.
And perhaps that is why sensitivity in guys are seen as a negative trait because what are the odds that a guy can possess all the right blend of goodness to be effectively sensitive?
My next big question would be whether this sensitivity is consciously applied or subconsciously and automatically applied to any and everybody they come across?
Perhaps one day when I am more anointed I will find out.