JP. So tough to adjust when I am back.

Many thoughts run through my mind in a day. More than I can count.

Some fleeting thoughts.

Some linger and overstay their welcome.

Today, I was nice to myself because I chose to be honest and brave.
I decided to say what I wish to say without being afraid.

Did it work out well? I am not sure, but I hope so. I am not someone who believe in keeping quiet when I know something is weighing me down and it is something that I can’t just waive off and not let it lead to some form of repercussion down the road.

And this is generally how I treat my relationship with others.

If I can take the issue and waive it off without letting it affect how I view the r/s, I let it go.
If I can’t waive off the feeling and unhappiness and I know it will affect the r/s, I raise it up and propose to settle it.

Perhaps I should add that this is how I treat r/s that are important and precious to me, because if it isn’t, I will simply let the r/s go. 

Which is why when I am in a r/s (be it romantic or platonic or friendship or kinship) and I feel stifled and cornered to the point of not being able to express myself freely and being afraid of saying what I am feeling and thinking, I hide. I think of how to avoid the person, I think of how to cut the r/s or not progress in the r/s, so I can minimise this kind of discomfort I feel. And I also decide that this is the kind of r/s that I can’t thrive in. This also means that it is usually what I do when confronting the issue is more painful than letting go.

I have also come to realise that a r/s is truly a two-way street. If I do not feel that I will be supported and that the other party will also make the effort to solve the issue, I will not raise the issue up for discussion to be resolved. Simply because an issue in a r/s is often the result of differences between 2 persons, and it is seldom a case of one’s 100% right vs one’s 100% wrong. Hence, most issues can never be truly resolved without the effort of both parties. Even if it can be, it is so much easier when the other party just chip in to help the former party to work out the problem. That’s how partnerships work.

That’s how relationships work.

It is really tough trying to be nice to myself because I am not used to being nice to myself.

Jiayou jiayou!



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