I realise I am only kind to myself in terms of the breakfast I eat everyday. So I shall skip it today. Maybe I can be kind to myself tonight, somehow. Let me figure out how.
I recall how I hated some Fridays because when I turned single again, I realised Friday nights spent alone can be quite depressing. It is the only night in the week that I get to sleep anytime I want because I get to wake up late on Saturdays. So when I don’t get to spend Friday nights thoroughly, I feel like I wasted an evening, hahaa. In any case…
Much as I can enjoy my hyggelig jazz in the background of my comfortable cosy living room snuggled under the exquisitely knitted Japanese blanket on my expensive sofa with a glass of Hendricks and tonic in hand made the way I prefer (more cucumber less lime), nothing beats having a warm shoulder and chest to rest on, as I feel the deep rumble of his voice resonating with mine while we share a conversation about what happened during the day. It is the touch of another human being and the warmth and scent radiating from the skin that really makes me feel at peace.
So, yah, I am uncool like that. I am not sure how people celebrate solitude because truth of the matter is, I prefer having another human being beside me. Of course, I mean having the right human being beside me. I’d choose being alone anytime than be stuck with a shitty piece of human being.
And it is Friday today!
I remember I had quite a bad Friday night some months back and a notification popped up on my email. It made me feel warm, it made me feel like somebody was there. That I was not alone. A simple message made my Friday night amazing.
And just yesterday, I was telling a friend that being alone is only lonely and depressing when we like somebody and is pining for him/her. Otherwise, being alone is perfectly fine.
And so, Friday nights have been fine for a while, for me.
Watched this video today.
I was expecting a happy ending, an impactful, hopeful ending. But what followed was even heavier than expected, with the deep realisation that not everyone can ‘find themselves back’ at the end of the day.
We just find a new mask to put on.
Scary. But true.
Now, where’s my new mask?
Perhaps this smiley one.