This morning, my office had our usual monthly combined chapel service with colleagues from other office and as usual, at the end, there’s always birthday celebration for the month’s birthday babies. So this month, it is for the November babies.
Surprisingly, there were only 3 of them.
I have seen months where the birthday people queue is so long and the list goes on and on. And this month, for November, it is just… 3.
This led me and my colleague to conclude that people just did not want to conceive during Chinese New Year i.e. February, lol.
And we went on to analyse that the most common birth month is, in fact, September!
And true enough, we realised in order to give birth in September, the babies have to be made in December. HOLIDAY MONTH!
So I guess it is no surprise that during year-end holidays, people go on vacations, have vacation sex, have lower stress, and are just more prone to making babies and successfully doing so in December.
I mean, c’mon, just think of white powdery snow, christmas carols, christmas tree, thanksgiving, romantic couple get-away, warm cuddles in the cold nights… *melts* I seriously love the love that literally weaves in the air during Christmas.
Funny though. The other day I just read that in order to ensure the fertility of my womb, I am supposed to keep it warm. So I guess the winter cold can’t bring the womb down, hahaha.
So, do you have a lot of friends born in September like I do? >.<
I have been very kind to myself over the weekend by giving myself ample rest and good food, as well as the freedom to express myself properly instead of being worried about how I will be disapproved by others for being me. It was not exactly easy and there were fear and unhappiness involved but I felt that it was a necessary evil.
I have a new fear recently. I fear that I will not be accepted for who and what I am by somebody, though I very much wish I can be. And unlike usual times when I feel that it is just me being insecure, I think this time it is a very legit case of potential mismatch of expectations. I feel that I will not be able to live up to what I am expected to. And this doesn’t feel good, because I do not believe that a relationship should be based on performance or worse, KPIs.
When I left my previous relationship, the one thing both he and I realised, was that expectation really kills a relationship. When we both decided to let go, we became much happier together because we no longer pin expectations on the other party.
A friend ever told me about how guys find it hard to tell girls what they love their girlfriends or wives for, because does it mean that if the gf/wife changes and their ‘liked’ traits are gone, the husband/bf will stop loving them? No. Hence, there is no point listing down why they love who they love. They just love them.
So. Love and expectations. How do they work together?
I shall be kind to myself today and not think about it. I mean, I literally am going to ignore it although usually, I need to figure it out. The reason is simple. It is because I am not going to think about the future for a long long time and concentrate on the present. Because I am kinda tired of speculating and planning based on variables beyond my locus of control, as well as decisions, words and feelings that are so fluid, so erratic and so transient, so fugacious. I also don’t see a point in hoping or wanting that which may not be mine at the end of the day. In a way, if I am not given an option to decide, why bother thinking about what options there are and what decisions I should make? Whatever will be, will be.
And I choose to believe that I am good. I have high expectations and I know I am good enough for myself. So why should I discount my worth or feel inadequate for anybody else?
So, as usual, I will put my best foot forward. If at the end it is still not good enough, I will have no regrets and know that it is not my loss. Literally not my loss. Because what are the odds that we can find someone who will choose to do their best for us? What are the odds that we can find someone who can accept us fully for who we are and choose to stick around all the time and promise to never desert the other person? What are the odds that the person is good and true?
And that’s my way of being kind to self and to others.