Earlier this year, somebody ‘confessed‘ to me subtly by telling me his dates did not work out because he was unknowingly drawn to and thinking of me when he is out with them, which made him realise ‘something‘.
Now you know what I mean by ‘confessed subtly‘ because there was no ‘I like you’ or ‘I’ve fallen for you’. He went on to say that “I think you know where I’m going with this so I shall stop and let you digest”.
What a confession, just let me assume, lol (but actually it was really sweet).
That is not the main point but rather, what touched me the most was when he told me…
“I decided to tell you not because I expect anything… and you don’t have to worry about replying.”
I’ve not heard anything more selfless, giving, gentler, and loving than this.
I had always assumed that when somebody confess their feelings to the person they like, they are looking for a response, be it acceptance or rejection, so they can move on from the ambivalence. To openly bare your heart out to somebody and not expect anything in return, to me, is a very selfless and vulnerable act that I do not think most are capable of.
Due to my situation, I did not give much of a response. I just remember feeling so touched, assured and… loved.
Thinking about it now, analysing why the ‘confession’ felt so right, I have come to see that it was nothing about the venue, the gifts, or flowery language used during the whole process that made it right (there was none of that, btw). It was the underlying message that I was being loved unconditionally without expectation that really touched me. Actually, the whole confession took place over message but I cannot imagine any other confession that could have been better than that unless the same message was conveyed.
I am beginning to feel that this is the best approach to proposing as well.
I have heard from a lot of guy friends that a proposal is a huge thing to them because it is a ‘make-or-break’ action; if the partner rejects them, that’s it, there’s no future anymore because if she has no intention of being married to them, then the relationship can’t recover from that ‘failure’ i.e. mismatch in expectation. I kinda agree because if there is a situation of a guy proposing only to be rejected, one can only imagine how far apart the couple is in terms of readiness to commit, as well as understanding of each other as well as the huge difference in expectation and future goals. That is also why most proposals are successful because one wouldn’t propose unless he is confident that the girl will say yes.
But wouldn’t a ‘declaration’ of one’s commitment, readiness, and unconditional love to another given without the expectation of being reciprocated a much sweeter ‘proposal’? Doesn’t a selfless act such as this embody the very essence of unconditional love and marriage?
This also eradicates the possibility of being ‘rejected’ because there was no verbalised expectation of a reply anyway. It is just putting it out there, laying my cards out, telling you I want you and I am here, just for you, whether you will join me, or not. No pressure, no expectation,
Because isn’t that what love is about? It exists standalone, whether reciprocated or not. I did not love you to be loved in return. I just love.
But I guess in the end it is all about the genuineness and sincerity of the proposer after all. Because this approach wouldn’t work if a guy does this only to expect a positive response. It will just lead to him feeling sour and bitter if the response was unfavourable or there is just lack of response. So rather than saying this is a way to propose, I should say that this is the right mentality to have towards love and marriage.
I am also assuming that if the partner wish to marry the proposer, she will respond even without being asked that she’s so happy and she feels the same way.
I guess this romantic and jolly Christmas mood is seriously rubbing off on me because it is not like I am going to marry or be ready to marry anytime soon in the near and not-so-near future, lol.
So for now, let me go chill out and enjoy the upcoming long weekend.
Happy Holidays, World. 🙂