No idea how to shrink this wth
It is the first day of 2018 and I think it has been splendid because I woke up in a house with my whole family and had a really good brunch with them.
Mummy has been reiterating at least twice every time I see her that it will be awesome if I move home, citing all sorts of different reasons for saying so, lol. Maybe in 2018, I will indeed move. Who knows?
Last year at the end of 2016, I had accomplished much, much more. I attained ABRSM, JLPT, driving license, as well as completed my first solo trip, and moved into a new home with one whom I thought I shared an amazing relationship with. Heck, I even got myself a new job, which was something I always wanted to do in the social service sector.
Compared to 2016, I think 2017 was pathetic and lack luster.
My JLPT did not improve this year, neither did my piano.
The end of a relationship also signals the impending loss of my house.
I revived my job, which is not too bad, but I am beginning to be very acutely aware that the job has no progression.
And there. My 2017, which showed little to no progress in any tangible way.
But actually, the greatest gain is in the intangible. Spiritual and emotional growth. I might even go close to saying that the gain in these aspects outshine the tangible growth in 2016.
So for 2018… I do not have much wants and wishes. I do not have resolutions either. Actually, I don’t want to want anything because I find it very… tiring and even more hurting to do so. I admit it might almost seem like a defeatist attitude and I’m not being optimistic but I think I am done fighting against whatever is out there. Or perhaps if I put it in another way… I am done fighting against my incessant need and want for success.
I just want to give my best in everything I do and be happy with whatever outcome that comes out of my efforts because I need to understand that some things are just not within my locus of control. I can give it my best but sometimes, the outcome is just not the desired goal or resolution set at the beginning of the year, like ‘have a satisfying relationship in 2018’ or ‘attain JLPT N1 in 2018’. Because sometimes our best is just not enough and not attaining the resolution, sometimes, is inevitable.
I think I am done being hurt and worn out from not achieving these ‘outcomes’ and ‘resolutions’.
So just one attitude this year: Just do my best and live through every tiny decisions. Day by day. One decision at a time.
Let’s be awesome, 2018.