Coming back to an empty home.

So I just touched down in Singapore as of approximately one hour ago.

I’m home now, with heat tech off, sweater off, and tons of heavy baggage off!

I’m supposed to feel comfortable but sadly, I’m not.

I have been living by myself for a while now and while I’ve gotten used to many things, including spending most weeknights, weekends and even public holidays alone at home, something I can’t quite get used to is the feeling of coming back to an empty home after coming back from an overseas trip from the airport.

There’s this gloominess that hangs around me and envelopes me the moment I start queueing for a cab. When I board the cab. when the lights pass by on the expressway. When it makes the all too familiar turn into my neighbourhood.

When I alight from the taxi and the driver asks me, “So late already and so many things, so heavy, no one come down and help you?”

So I smiled to the taxi driver while I brace the soreness, literally like salt on wound and trudged home with my backpack, hand carry omiyage for the whole world because decent human beings have to buy snacks for others when they go to JP, cash and nets card for payment from cab, keys in hand, as well as my luggage with the most impossible wheels ever.

Firstly, the relief I felt when I come home and realised that the electricity didn’t trip while I was overseas and my perishables in the freezer and fridge are all safe, lol. Yes, I have no idea why but the electricity at home trips randomly every few weeks or months. It is as erratic as a woman. And no, I will not bother to find out what’s wrong because I’m losing this house back to HDB soon anyway. So, who cares.

Secondly, the super neat and clean state of my house, exactly the way I have left it 9 days ago. I’m so glad I was hardworking enough to clean up the whole place because I know I want to come home to this. And boy, am I glad now. Thank you to myself from 9 days ago!

To be honest, I’ve returned home, dumped my stuff in the living room, took off the now-annoying clothing that used to keep me warm and comfortable in JP just earlier in the day, and just plonked myself down on a stool and started typing away here. Yup, because I know I have to get these words out of me to someone, somewhere. Partly because there is no one for me to share my thoughts and feelings with.

I weighed myself and I have gained 1kg. That’s not too bad, right? Haha.

I know it is really random but sometimes, I worry that I may suffer the fate of elderly who live in seclusion where no one realise they are dead until decomposition kicks in and the stench push the neighbours to file a complaint. How long will it take before someone realise I am gone, I wonder? Not that no one care about me, but my family will probably think I am with my friend or at work, my colleagues will probably think I am sick or with my family, and basically, they will all think I am with someone else at somewhere else.

How random.

Now, time to wash up, stop thinking, stop feeling, and sleep.

Till then.




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