I envy those people who can live life happily and cheerfully without knowing what lies ahead.
Honestly, these people are amazing because that is something that I absolutely fail in.
Plans. Oh, how much I love them. I love to think into the future, dream about the future, visualise my future. I love the whole process of planning and coming up with possibilities. It’s thrilling and gratifying to no ends. Especially when my plans involve people and things I love. Like, the amazing job, or the amazing partnership, the amazing opportunity.
But as much joy it brings me, it also brings me a lot of anxiety and fear when there are no plans.
I guess the best way to describe how it feels is as if one is watching the loading screen that never progress past loading… The best part is, whatever cute little animation to signify that it is loading, is still working. The blinking . . . or the cute little circle that keeps turning… or the character that keeps running… the bar that keeps filling up…
Should I reset? Should I? Should I?
The impatient me always question myself when it happens. And it drives me nuts because I also know it could very well load in the next moment.
Until I press reset.