No one can fix you other than yourself? Who says?

I have been reading Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami and some of the things he write really shows that he’s a very bright person with fresh perspective.

For example, he wrote about how the best thing about being rich is basically, the right to say “I cannot afford to…” So what he mean is simply, if you are rich, you can say you can’t afford to go for KTV or overseas and your friends will accept it and let it go. But if you are not rich and in fact poor, you can’t say that because it’d be too uncomfortable a truth for others to bear. Similarly, a pretty girl can say she feels fat and ugly and don’t feel like going out and that’s fine. But not when it’s a fat and unattractive girl who says the same thing.

So just now while reading, I came across another part, where he wrote about this girl called Reiko, has an issue since young and life was terrible for her all the way until she met her husband at the age of 24. She was weak mentally and could not handle stress and as she watched her peers become successful, she basically wallowed in depression, going in and out of sanatorium. Then her life changed when she got to know her husband, who gave her new meaning in life by showering her with love and care, giving her a child to care for and a new purpose to go on for. She recovered and it was all because of the love of her husband.

It made me recall this particular quote I saw on Facebook before. It was something along the lines of how “a person can so be fixed by someone else”. So many quotes tell you that “no one can fix you other than yourself” or “only you can fix yourself” and to be honest, it is just not true. We can indeed be fixed by someone who can patiently put us back together and show us that we are loved. But do you know why so many quotes say otherwise?

Because there is no guarantee that this person who put you together will not one day leave you or betray you and tear you apart all over again.

So, the quote evolved to how one should fix ourselves because that way, we don’t have to take chances. But I guess they failed to see how we sometimes can betray ourselves too.

And I also wonder if people actually fix themselves or they just learn to harden their hearts and feel less. I mean, just look at movies. People don’t actually ‘heal’, they just learn to stop loving the person who made them weak. Come the next person whom they fall in love with, they’ll go back to being weak all over again. And we will always be weak in love, and the way we’d ‘succeed’ is by being so fortunate, that we love the right person who will never leave us but instead, stay and make us whole.

After all, love is alot about accepting someone for who he or she is and choosing to accept, stay and commit, despite knowing how imperfect the person is. And that’s why love is so tiring, so tough, and why so many people give up.

That’s what it means by being ‘fixed’.





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