Being abandoned by someone you truly loved and trusted feels like death. Just like the scene I just watched on this Chinese drama that I’m watching where the wife has to watch the husband make a decision that will lead to his death.
It is like death because it is literally the end of something you used to have. His affection, his attention, his sweetest smile and eyes that shine with love when he looks at you. It is the same person but when you look at him, he is not the same person at all. You know the he who loves you is gone but it feels so impossible because he is still there, in front of you. And when that reality finally sinks in and strikes you…
In the drama, the wife wailed and she repeatedly said this phrase, “怎么办？” while clutching onto her husband in tears.
I’ve been through this before and this phrase is very well scripted because in my deepest state of loss, that was exactly the phrase I keep muttering between sobs and also the exact emotion I felt at that time — a gripping fear, anxiety, desperation and pain of an extreme loss that I can’t afford.
You just don’t know what to do and the mix of extreme emotions is so unbearable, you wonder how you are going to continue living on without solving this problem. And yes because it is death, there is no solving.
You just continue feeling that extreme pain and loss for a while. Yes, you grieve. And grieve.
I kinda feel that God gave us the ability to cry because if we do not have that avenue to let out these intense emotions, we will literally go crazy or self destruct.
The good news is that that is usually the worst it will get. After that, you gradually recover. After that, you stop wondering what to do because you realise that it will never come back. After that, the pain and loss diminishes. You stop looking forward to miracles and accept that the dead will not come back. After that, you will move on without actually even trying to move on.
Recovering from loss is almost like exercising. It is so tough when you start to exercise after being lazy for so long, going breathless and suffering from aches. But as you continue doing so, it gets easier and easier. It is almost like our heart and mind, or our emotions, are muscles as well that takes time to adjust with sudden changes in our daily lives. Anything extreme causes pain but we always adapt and heal.
Most importantly, after a while, happiness comes! 🙂