When was the last time I actually plugged in the ear piece and listen to some good music?
When was the last time I felt this way?
I don’t actually remember because I’ve been very happy for a while. Too happy, actually, that I forgot how it feels to actually not be happy.
Tonight, I’m not very happy. And I plugged in the ear piece and started listening to some old chinese songs. The way the music floods my ears and slowly sinks into my soul feels so deep. Does it feel good? I don’t know. But I feel an intense melancholy. The kind of melancholy that isn’t healthy. The kind that draws you deep and pulls you in, making you feel that intense need to chase it deeper and deeper, until you feel so overwhelmed by emotions that’s not logical, sadness that’s not even reasonable because it is not like life is bad. And it drowns me. I feel like I’m drowning myself in melancholy and it literally feels labourous to breathe.
We call it nausea when we feel like vomitting.
What do we call it when we feel like crying?
I wish there was a word.